bertlaw Sep 24, 2019
During the Collaborative process, you will be relying on your attorney regarding legal issues and negotiations with your spouse. The Collaborative Divorce Facilitator (CDF) is one of the Collaborative’s team’s two neutrals. Being a neutral frees up the other professionals to focus on their areas of expertise and allows the attorneys to advocate for your desired solution.
The CDF will schedule and facilitate at all of the meetings lending her/his neutral voice to the negotiation. The CDF will guide all parties through the agreed-upon agenda for each meeting. During the discussion, it is the CDF who will keep all participants on track so that everyone’s time is well used. Should a situation arise where either one or both of the parties are unable to continue discussing a particular issue, the CDF may suggest that one or both of the parties meet with him/her for an ‘offline’ discussion that the next time the group meets the difficult discussion might proceed more smoothly.
The CDF in addition to facilitation and scheduling duties, the CDF stays focused on how each party is dealing with the emotions that come forward during the process and is the person you can rely on to help you when the process becomes emotionally challenging. The CDF ensures that you are heard and understood in the meeting, by helping you identify and express your needs and interests. One of the goals for the CDF is to enhance the ability of the parties to work together to problem-solve and create solutions, so they attack the issues they need to resolve and not one another personally. When both parties realize that what they have to say will be heard in a safe space, this may be the first step in the healing process. If warranted by the situation the CDF will identify resources, if needed, beyond the scope of the Collaborative Process, for assistance with the emotional needs of the clients and their children.
With your agreement, the CDF may spend time with you and your spouse in a meeting for meetings without your attorney to assist you and your spouse in crafting a parenting plan that is appropriate for your children. You will explore options for parenting schedules and receive guidance about the developmentally-appropriate needs of your children. It is hoped that during this time you and your spouse acquire skills that improve communications which will help you become more effective co-parents.
As a guide through this process, the CDF has the intention of assisting you and your spouse to have a more cooperative co-parenting relationship with each other. The CDF can discuss maintaining relationships with extended family members and friend’s collateral to the parenting relationship. Through individual coaching, if needed, the CDF would be your first stop for advice on your issues regarding continuing to work together as if you are in a family business with your spouse.